Matatus - Easily the backbone of public transit here in Kenya, these top heavy, privately owned rolling coffins service most inhabitable areas of the country. With a minimalistic appearance reminiscent of a refrigerator box that has been laid flat on it's side and then cross-bred with a Volkswagon bus, the simple geometric design of the matatu can be easily spotted from the most bustling metropolis to most the desolate and barren of wastelands. Theoretically designed to carry 11-14 passengers, there's always room for one more, and the maximum capacity of a matatu at any given time can be quickly and easily determined by applying the formula: max. capacity = current # of passengers + 1. The words "personal" and "space" mean nothing within the cramped confines of the matatu's jagged steel interior as rubbing knees, elbows, and other unmentionable body parts is an expected element of the experience. A 50 kilogram burlap sack full of maize cobs? A queen sized bed? Live animals? There's always room for cargo under the feet, over the heads, and in the laps of your fellow, however unwilling, passengers.
Pikipiki (A.K.A. Motorcycle...also A.K.A. Boda boda depending on region) - Close your eyes and imagine the wind whipping through your hair, the warm African landscape cascading over your features as the ace at the controls deftly navigates his motorized steed through livestock, quicksand, and an arsenal of other obstacles that make your washed out route generally impassable to other vehicles. Keep those eyes fastly shut lest they be showered by the cloud of dust and debris hovering just above the road as you bear in mind that neither you nor the cowboy at the reins, who likely has no formal training to pilot this dual wheeled stallion, are wearing goggles, visored helmets, nor anything else to shield your corneas should you choose to expose them to the punishing breeze caressing your figure. Second perhaps only to the matatu in importance, pikipikis play a crucial role in the Kenyan transportation network, particularly in remote areas where they may be the only motorized form of transportation available. Boarding of a pikipiki is considered by the Peace Corps to be a criminal offense of the most serious nature, on par with treason, and is punishable by death on the spot. Even if riding a pikipiki were allowed I can't say that I would have any desire to do so.
Buses - These come in two different varieties: "Highway" and "Other".
Highway Buses - Everything you would come to expect from a comparable carrier in the first world. Air conditioning (sometimes). Working seatbelts (sometimes). En route entertainment in the form of a movie or impromptu sermon (sometimes). Current record for number of Jet Li movies shown in a single trip: 4.
Other (Regular) Buses - Imagine going on an off-road adventure through sub-Saharan Africa in a vehicle fully equipped for shuttling children to and from school. Round, round, up, and down go the wheels on this bus as they rattle from side to side, tossing the customers, crew, and cargo about the cabin as the rickety vessel barrels down the path at a scorching 10 miles per hour. Were it not for prolonged and unscheduled stops every 200 meters to allow for the loading and unloading of passengers, charcoal, and mountains of empty plastic vegetable oil containers, this could easily qualify as the most nauseating form of transportation in East Africa.
Tuk Tuk - So named for the choking, sputtering sound produced by the clammering, match box sized motors that propel them forward, these 3-wheeled golf carts can be seen careening down the streets of Kenyas larger cities, taxying people to and from their various destinations. A special under-side mounted magnet pulls fervently against the Earth's core preventing these seemingly unstable passnger go carts from overturning on even the most rugged terrain, though the wild jostling coupled with the exposed metal roll cage make the tuk tuk the form of transportaion on which you are most likely to lose a tooth.
Bicycle Taxi (A.K.A. Boda Boda depending on the region, make sure you know what is being referred to before getting on) - Often spotted in packs of around 7 to 10, shouting offers at anyone who glances in their general hemisphere, these Lance Armstrong impersonators unquestionably spend their every waking hour fantasizing about the elustrious life they could instead be leading were they pikipiki drivers. A heavily padded, industrial strength bike rack capable of supporting Andre the giant will be your perch as the wind drags the sweaty aroma of your workhorse slowly over your olfactory receptors. Armed with a state of the art cloaking device, these silent, man-powered machines are rendered invisible to cars, motorcycles, and most pedestrians as they carve a path through masses of traffic. Wearing a helmet, which is almost certainly never provided, is advisable.
Canoe - Just arrive at a spot clearly shown on several maps from multiple, reputable sources to have a bridge crossing a river only to find that the bridge was never quite started? No worries, chances are that a helpful group of youngsters who should be in school are on hand to help ferry you across safely. Prices vary according to the height of the water and the size and amount of cargo making the journey, though an influx of man-eating (or at least man-chomping) river dwellers during the rainy season makes captaining one of these vessels a seasonal position at best.
