Language Woes

Without a doubt, one of the most rewarding experiences one can have when immersing oneself in another culture is that magical feeling that comes after a successful person-to-person interaction in another language, and Kenya has plenty of them (languages that is). Though English and Kiswahili are the official spoken languages, Kenya is home to over 13 trillion (an unconfirmed estimate) different local and tribal dialects. From Kimasaai and Dholuo to Kigiriama and Kimeru these languages share one common feature...the smaller the number of people alive who speak the language the greater the amount of street cred a foreigner can earn by speaking said language. Hearts can be won and lifelong friendships formed instantly with timely greeting or salutaion if the language is obscure enough.

While effective two way communication may lay the foundation for a rich cross-cultural experience, sometimes it is the breakdown in communication that makes the experience. Though it may come as a surprise many of my most loyal readers, as near perfect as I am, even I make mistakes from time to time. But as I always say (starting now) if you're not making a complete fool of yourself then you're not trying. That said, I thought I would share one of my more foolish moments with you, my loyal, even when walking into the jaws of certain doom, fans.

This particular story takes place in late June as I'm sitting down to evening chai with my host father. A patient school teacher who speaks excellent English, my host father is a softspoken man who, understanding my need to learn Kiswahili, is always willing to provide a calm audience for me as I stumble through sentence after unintelligible sentence in the language. During the course of the evening's conversation my host father asks why I will be spending the upcoming Saturday night away from home. Now, the upcoming Sunday was going to be the 4th of July and our group of trainees, seeking to celebrate our nation's independence free from the tyranical rule of a 6:30 curfew, had rented out a local camping/training facility for just that purpose. In an attempt to explain the rationale for the weekend's festivities using my limited Kiswahili I explained to my host father, "We're going to celebrate because Sunday is uhara day in America" (those of you who know Kiswahili may already be laughing). As the words left my mouth a look of absolute bewilderment crept across the kindly teachers face as he understood exactly what I had just said but couldn't seem to fathom the idea that such a day would exist, much less that it would be a plausible reason for an entire nation to celebrate. Thinking that perhaps more explanation was needed and seeing an opportunity for cultural exchange I interjected, "Like Madaraka (responsibility) day", the day on which Kenya became a self governing nation. As I leaned bcack, casually sipping my tea and giving myself a seemingly well earned pat on the back for another successful language interaction my host father's face lit up like a freshly rear-ended Ford Pinto.."Uhuru day!" he said as he leaned forward, an 'ah ha' timbre resonating through his voice. It was at that moment I realized what I had just said and we both relaxed into elated laughter as I was now in on the joke. Kiswahili, like many languages, is very interesting in that one misplaced letter or mispronounced sound can change the entire meaning of a word, sentence, or national holiday. You see, 'uhuru' is the Kiswahili word for freedom while 'uhara' is Kiswahihi for diarrhea, or rather the abstract concept of diarrheaness. The types of festivities that flashed trough my terribly confused host father's head I have no idea.

A handful of other "almost, but not quite"'s:

-Malaria is a disease spread by dogs (mbu=mosquito, mbwa=dog)

-I would like a diseases Fanta please (machungwa=oranges, magonjwa=diseases)

-The door is locked? Let me call someone with a broom (ufunguo=key, ufagio=broom)

And my favorite runner up which was spoken not by me but rather by my colleague Megan, a veritable language powerhouse in her own right:
-Teacher: What is this book about?
Megan: Mamas.
Teacher: How do you know?
Megan (pointing to an illustration of a very obviously pregnant woman on the cover): Because the woman on the front has a big f@#* (tumbo=stomach...for the sake of Kiswahili speaking children who may be reading this right now I won't finish translating this one).